So, tonight's the night?
- I'm going all the way. - Who's the lucky boy?
- I'm not telling. - You will if you want the room.
Okay, okay...
- Sean Bateman. - He's a drug dealer.
- He made me "zzshing"! - "Zzshing"?
"Zzshing" like you just know that you'll be with that person
and something amazing will happen,
Iike he just fucking fucks you right up the--
"Zzshing."
- No, I've never heard that. - You will someday.
You know, you might be afflicted with synesthesia.
What?
It's a clinical disorder which causes you
to hear what you see and see what you hear--
an uncontrolled combination of your senses.
You should really get that checked out.
- Prozac might help. - What?
Aaah!
Oooh...
Rusty pipes.
( country music plays )
* And the thought of rubbing feet is getting so exciting *
* Skyrocket in flight *
* Afternoon delight. *
( phone rings )
Hello?
Can I talk to Sean Bateman? I think he lives upstairs.
( sighs )
Yeah?
Sean.
Who is this, Patrick?
Who the hell is Patrick? No, it's is Paul.
Paul...?
Yeah, remember me?
Sean: No. This better be good.
I was just wondering what was going on. Who's Patrick?
It's none of your business, what do you want?
Paul: Were you asleep?
- No, of course not. - What are you doing?
That's none of your fucking business.
I'm getting ready to go to this party.
With who? With Patrick?
No. ( chuckles )
With the person who's leaving notes in my box.
- Are you? - Deal with it.
- Are you just fucking with me? - Rock and roll.
- ( dial tone hums ) - Motherfucker!
Who?
Oh, Jesus Christ, Richard, is that you?
It's Dick. And yes, it's me.
( gargling )
What the hell are you doing?
Getting fucked up.
Maybe getting fucked.
- ( Richard moans ) - Oh, Richard.
All right, Richard--
Oh, yeah, you're just turning me on, Richard.
Richard: Ride 'em cowboy!
Paul--!
You remember Mrs. Jared?
Of course. Hello, Mrs. Jared.
I leave you alone for five minutes and you're drinking.
Drunk. I'm drunk.
Mrs. Jared: Then take a shower and sober up.
Oh, my tortures never end. How are you, Paul?
Fine.
Would you talk to him? He'll listen to you.
Come on, Myra.
I'll see you both downstairs in 1 5 minutes, hmm?
- ( Richard chuckles ) - ( door closes )
You want to take a shower with me...
for old times' sake?
- Want one? - What are they?
- Does it matter? - No.
* Oh well, I guess it would be nice *
* If I could touch your body *
* I know not everybody *
* Has got a body like you *
* But I've gotta think twice *
* Before I give my heart away *
* And I know all the games you play *
* Because I play them too... *
Fine with me.
( yawning )
So when she showed up...
* Oh baby, I reconsider *
* My foolish notion *
* Well, I need someone to hold me *
* But I wait for something more *
* Yes, I gotta have faith *
* I gotta have faith *
* 'Cause I gotta have faith, faith, faith, *
* I gotta have faith, faith, faith... *
Oh, yeah.
* Got to, got to have faith *
* Before this river, becomes an ocean *
* Before you throw my heart back on the floor *
* Oh baby, I reconsider *
* My foolish notion *
* Well, I need someone to hold me *
* But I'll wait for something more *
* 'Cause I gotta have faith *
* Ooh, I gotta have faith *
* 'Cause I gotta have faith, faith, faith, *
* I gotta have faith, faith faith. *
Mrs. Denton: Then I realized my Cadillac had been stolen.
Mrs. Jared: Oh, my God.
Mrs. Denton: Stolen. The police couldn't have cared less.
They said my insurance would take care of it.
Frankly, I was getting sick of the color, you know?
Mrs. Jared: I'm going to ask one more time, Richard,
kindly remove your sunglasses.
( low growling )
Very well, then...
why don't you tell us about school?
Tell us about school.
- Ciggy. - Oh, Ri-- don't smoke.
You're not allowed to smoke here, Richard...
-...I don't think-- - My name is not Richard.
- Then what is it? - Dick.
- What? - Dick.
You heard me. Dick.
No. Your name is Richard.
Sorry, it's Dick.
Well, then-- Dick, how is school?
It sucks cock.
( coughing )
Yeah, it does.
And what classes are you taking-- Dick?
"Gang Bang 1 01,"
"Freebase Tutorial"...
( whispers ) and "Oral Sex Workshop."
( nervous laughter )
Well, then, how are you liking that, Dick?
( rude moaning )
( chuckles ) Yeah.
"How do you like that?"
What has happened to you?
What do you mean, what has happened to me?
What do you think?
I can see what that school has done to you.
Maybe perhaps Paul and I should go upstairs--
- Mrs. Jared: No. - Mrs. Denton: No?
No. If anyone is going to leave this table,
- it's going to be Richard. - It's Dick!
Leave the table now, Richard.
( mock whining ) Why? Why?
I'm asking you to leave the table, now.
( snidely ) No, no, no...
I will not leave the table. No!
Leave the table!
( howls ) Well, fuck you-ooo!
And fuck you. And fuck you, pretty boy.
And fuck you all very much.
I'm outta here.
( thumps ) Have a good one!
Mrs. Jared: Oh, everything's fine now.
No, really. I'm terribly sorry.
- Man: Are you sure, ma'am? - Oh, positive. Yes.
- My son isn't well. - Yeah.
He's-- well, not well.
He's been under a lot of stress, midterms starting...
School. Yes, of course.
I would like another Vodka Collins.
Eve, would you like anything?
Yes-- well, I mean, no, no.
Go ahead.
Get her another one.
- Please. - Thank you, Paul.
Sure, Mom.
You know,
I think my next car
is going to be blue.
Blue, don't you think? A very dark blue.
What do you think, Paul?
Blue.
* Baby girl, where you at? *
* Got no strings, got men attached *
* Can't stop that feeling for long, no *
* You making dogs wanna beg *
* Breaking them off your fancy legs *
* But they make you feel right at home, now *
* See all these illusions just take us too long *
* And I want it bad *
* Because you walk pretty, because you talk pretty *
* 'Cause you make me sick and I'm not leaving *
* Till you're leaving oh, I swear there's something
* When she's pumping asking for a raise... *
Those are grown in shit.
* So does she want me to buy her things? *
* On my house, on my job on my loot, shoes *
* My shirt, my crew, my mind my father's last name? *
* When I get you alone... *
Thank God you're still dealing.
So where's Lauren?
She's out of town.
Do you have a thing for her?
She won't put out. You know that, right?
She's got this little boyfriend who she's saving herself for.
You're just wasting your time and money.
She's got a boyfriend?
* All these intrusions just take us too long *
* And I want you so bad *
* Because you walk city, because you talk city *
* 'Cause you make me sick... *
Yes, yes, yes.
Yes, yes, oh, oh, oh--!
Hi, Sean.
Don't stop, don't stop, don't stop.
C'mon, c'mon, c'mon...
Sean's voice: Disillusionment strikes.
After all my pining for Lauren,
this-- her roommate.
The inevitable conclusion.
It's like bad poetry-- and then what?
I'm still hard, so I keep on going.
She's groaning now. Humping up, down, up.
Is it ever going to end?
I should never have done this.
I should have kept it innocent.
God, oh yes.
I put my hand over her mouth.
She comes, licking my palms, snorting.
It's over.
Kleenex.
What's wrong? I told you I came.
I was born in a Holiday Inn.
Sean: Better it's not Lauren. Note to self:
never 'shroom again. Only gets you into trouble.
Woman: I've written you this last letter
because I know I'll never have you.
I stood in a corner and watched you go off with her.
She's so beneath you.
You probably did it just to hurt me.
Well, it worked. You hurt me,
and now there's nothing else I can do.
There won't be any more notes. It's last call.
* No, I can't forget this evening *
* Or your face as you were leaving *
* But I guess that's just the way the story goes *
* You always smile but in your eyes *
* Your sorrow shows *
* Yes, it shows *
* No, I can't forget tomorrow *
* When I think of all my sorrow *
* When I had you there *
* But then I let you go *
* And now it's only fair *
* That I should let you know *
* What you should know... *
* Know... *
* I can't live *
* If living is without you *
* I can't live *
* I can't give anymore *
* I can't live *
* If living is without you *
* I can't give *
* I can't give anymore *
* Well, I can't forget this evening *
* Or your face as you were leaving *
* But I guess that's just the way the story goes *
* You always smile but in your eyes *
* Your sorrow shows *
* Yes, it shows... *
( rapid dripping )
I only did it with her because I'm in love with you.
( bangs )
( sobs )
( crying, sobbing )
Lauren, I love you.
Laur--
- Lauren--! - Leave, Sean!
Since when does fucking somebody else
mean that I'm not faithful to you?
Lauren...
She's not ever going to want see you again.
Lara: Face it...
you fucked up.
( phone ringing )
( ringing )
( ringing continues )
- Hello? - Frenchman: Hello?
Hello?
- Hello, Bertrand? - Bertrand's not in.
Is it Jean-Jacques? Hello?
Lauren...
( groans )
Fuck! Fuck!
Come on.
Woman announcer: Results are evident in a few short weeks.
Male announcer: Call and order your bottle of "Longitude"
having your credit card ready and calling 1-800-51 8-3492.
That's 1-800-51 8-3492.
Imagine the look on her face if you were much larger.
Call now-- 1-800-51 8-3492.
Or visit them online at LongitudeCapsules.com.
- Typical. - Radio: * WTNA-- *
* Tom and Andy-- More music. *
* Could be wrong *
* I could be right *
* Could be wrong... *
* I could be wrong I could be right... *
Sean...?
* May the road rise with you *
* May the road rise with you... *
Gotcha.
You're so sad.
Sean, you're sick.
Hey... wait a minute.
Yeah.
* I could be wrong I could be right *
* I could be black I could be white... *
( woman sobbing )
Victor: Took a charter flight on a DC-1 0 to London,
Ianded at Heathrow. Took a cab to the city center.
Don't let people lie to you, hostels are for the ugly.
I'm staying at Home House, the most beautiful hotel.
Called a friend from school who was selling hash,
but she wasn't in. Met a couple of Brits
who take me to of all places, Camden Street.
I flirt a bit at the Virgin Megastore, buy some CDs,
then follow some girls with pink hair.
I wandered around trying to get laid until it started to rain,
then went back to Home House. "Ministry of Sound" is dead,
so I go to "Rem Forum," but it's "Gay Night."
I find one hetero girl and we dry-hump on the dance floor.
We cab it back to Home House, I strip her clothes off
suck her toes and we fuck. Hung out for four or five days,
met the world's biggest DJ, Paul Oakenfold.
Kept missing the Changing of the Guards.
Wrote my mom a postcard I never sent, bought speed
from an Italian junkie trying to sell me a stolen bike.
Smoked a lot of hash that had too much tobacco in it.
Saw the Tate. Saw Big Ben.
Ate a lot of weird English food. It rained a lot.
It was expensive and I'm jonesing-- split for Amsterdam.
The Dutch all know English so I didn't have to speak Dutch,
which was a relief. I cruise the red light district,
visit a sex show, visit a sex museum,
smoke a lot of hash. I meet a Dutch TV actress
and we drink absinthe at a bar called "Absinthe."
The museums were cool. Lots of Van Goghs
and the Vermeers were intense. Wandered around,
bought a lot of pastries, ate some intense waffles.
Bought some coke and I cruised the red light district
I found some blonde with big tits that reminds me of Lara.
I gave her 1 00 guilders. In the end, she pulls me out,
I come between her tits even though I'm wearing a rubber.
We made small talk about AIDS, her Moroccan pimp and herself.
I wake to the sound of a wino singing.
It's 8:00 a.m. and hot as blazes.
I pretend to ice-skate around Central Station.
Trade songs with a Kiwi girl, then split for Paris
Wandered the Champs-Elysées, climbed the Eiffel Tower
for only seven francs-- the ticket machine was broken.
Got the hang of the Metro, took it everywhere.
Ford model party, hooked up with a model named Karina.
She chugs my cock at the Marriott, which is good.
Played billiards, went shopping I think she gave me mono.
Drove a Ferrari that belonged to the Saudi royal family.
Made out with a Dutch model in front of the Louvre.
Saw the Arc de Triomphe-- almost became road kill.
"Oakie" invites me to Dublin, I catch an Aer Lingus flight,
stay at the Morrison-- Dublin rocks like you can't imagine.
Oakenfold lets me spin some discs with him.
Irish girls are small as leprechauns.
I swap hickeys with a drunk woman after groping my abs
and calling me "Mr. LA." She strips for me
in the bathroom of the club. Sneak into the Guinness factory
and steal some stout so good my dick goes hard.
I fly to Barcelona which is a bust.
Too many fat American students, too many lame meat markets.
I dropped acid at the Sagrada Familia,
which was a trip, to say the least.
Cruise up the coast to Museo Gala Dali,
but had no more acid, which sucked.
Some girl from Canada calls me on my cell,
so I let her listen to the church bells.
Canta Cruz is beautiful but there are no girls there,
just old hippies. So I went to Switzerland
where, ironically, I couldn't find anyone with the time.
Took Glacier Express to Shiltone
which is beautiful in a way I can't describe.
EuroPass into Italy, ended up in Venice,
met a hot girl who looks like Rachel Leigh Cook,
and speaks better English than I do.
She's living for a year on only $5.00 a day.
We gondola around, buy hash. She thinks I'm a capitalist--
my room costs more for one night than her entire trip.
She doesn't mind much when I pay the bills. I ditch her
and hook up with a couple who obviously want a threesome.
Much tension, but the doofus offers to drive me to Rome,
an offer I jump at. Traffic's bad, we're stopped for hours.
The wife's a freak. The guy wigs out on me.
It's like a Polanski film. We stop in Florence,
where I see some big dome. A bomb goes off
I lose the weird couple, which is probably for the best.
Ended up in Rome, which is big and hot and dirty.
Just like LA, but with ruins. I went to the Vatican,
which is ridiculously opulent. Stood for two hours
to get into the Sistine Chapel, which now cleaned, looks fake.
I meet two underage Italian girls who I try to talk
into fucking each other while I jack off onto them.
Bored, I buy them some ice cream instead.
My hotel has a gym, so I work out.
I bump into some guy from Camden who says he knows me,
but I'm sure that he's a fag, so I lose him.
I try to fart and instead shit my pants.
In my room I masturbate and have a pain in my groin.
I dream about a beautiful girl, half in water,
stretching her lean body. She asks me if I like it.
I tell her she can clean fish with it.
I don't know what it means, but I wake well-rested,
masturbate in the shower, and check out.
Make my way back to London, hang out in Piccadilly Circus.
Swap shirts with some upper-crusty Cambridge chick.
Hers was an Agnes B.; mine, it cost me my Chanel.
She acts stuffy and prudish, but is really wild underneath.
She barely looks at my abs, though she wants to.
The next day I drop acid and get lost in the subway
for a full day and can't find my way out.
I meet a cute girl that lets me jack off onto her
as long as no come gets onto her Paul Smith coat.
We get stoned while listening to Michael Jackson records.
The next morning, I wake up talking to myself.
I had a big bump on my head from flailing in my sleep.
I get my stuff and barely make my plane
back to the United States. I no longer know who I am
and I feel like the ghost of a total stranger.
So then I ended up back here.
I'm so there when school's out, you don't even know.
No, I do know. And you don't know until you do know.
And you have to go there to know.
You still fucking that girl from Hawaii-- Page?
Oh, no, man. I gave up on that shit.
She had issues. I moved on to this chick named Candice.
- Yeah? - She's great.
Did you fuck like a racehorse?
You know it, brother.
- I met a girl. - Did you score some hot poon?
It's not about that.
No...
it's about good times and cuddling up.
She's a fag hag, right?
It's cool because they're fun and they like to dance.
I tell you, Victor,
I think I'm in love with this girl.
She's sweet. She's pure.
She's innocent.
She's a virgin.
Mitch: How young is she?
"Out of the car seat, onto my meat."
"If she's bleeding, I'm breeding."
"If there's grass on the field, play ball," you know?
Mitch: "Old enough to pee, old enough for me."
Yeah.
- Ow! - Bateman.
Bateman. Come on. What's up, man?
Got any "Toot-ankhamen"?
Sean: How much you want?
Three grams.
300. Up front.
I don't fucking trust you.
Tough shit.
Take Mitchell with you, then.
We take your car, and I drive.
( chuckles )
- Go with him, bitch. - Fucker. Ow! Shit!
I want change. Bring Daddy back change.
* 1 000 times... *
Mitch: Would you keep your eyes on the road?
Bitchen ride. You pick the color?
Yeah, and I don't want you to crash it.
I didn't realize it came in "banana."
- Relax. - Mitch: Oh, right. Relax.
While my car is being used to run a drug deal,
I'll just sit back and relax.
I don't give a fuck if we do this deal or not,
but you do. Your girlfriend needs her nose candy.
Without nose candy, she won't fuck you, and you know it.
I have my terms, if you don't live up to them,
you get no pussy. So deal with it.
Looks kind of dark. Maybe nobody's home.
Rupert doesn't leave home.
- I'm gonna wait in the car. - It's okay. Rupert's cool.
- But I don't want to go in. - Just come in.
Let's get this over with.
( dog barks )
( rap music plays within )
( doorbell rings )
( Jamaican accent ) Who dat?
"Blouse and skirt." Sean, are you dat, man?
Just the man we're looking to see tonight.
Come in out the cold, mon.
Sean, Sean, Sean, what, bubba?
You college boys look nice and sweet and sexy.
Come, mon. Rupert's in the kitchen.
Rupert, extra chicken in the coop.
Sean. Who's your friend?
This is Mitch.
Mitch.
- Hi. - You a cop, Mitch?
- No. - Does he look like a cop?
How the fuck am I supposed to know?
Unless he's got a crack pipe stuck to his lip,
I gotta assume he's fucking "21 Jump Street."
I'm not "21 Jump Street," whatever that is.
Where Richard Grieco and Johnny Depp got their start.
Come on. Where you been?
You can bet the boy is not a cop. Look upon him.
Obviously.
- What can I do you boys for? - Came to pick up some stuff.
- ( knife whirrs ) - Did you now?
Where's my money, God damn it, Bateman?
Don't act crazy, man. Me and my buddy Mitch
just came by to pick up a couple of grams.
What the fuck's this?
$300?
You owe me $3,000, asshole. Where's my fucking money?
Hey, wait a minute. Wait.
I'm gonna wait in the car. Excuse me.
Wait.
Wait for what, asshole? You owe me some fucking money!
Listen...
...he's got it.
I don't know what the hell is going on.
I just-- I came here for some blow, man.
Come on, Mitchell, give Rupert his money.
What the fuck are you talking about?
- Give Rupert his money! - I'm gonna go wait in the car.
Hey, boy! Don't better fuck with us.
This is absolute shit!
I don't even know what you're talking about.
Wait! This guy!
- Do you really have it? - I don't-- this guy-- I--
You owe me some fucking money!
- Would you fucking tell him?! - Okay.
He doesn't have it.
What do you got for me?
I know you got something. What do you got for me?
I have this.
Sean: Back off! Back the fuck off!
( screams )
Let me in! Let me in, I have the keys!
I have the keys. Fucking let me in.
( howls ) Fuck!
Are you fucking crazy?
Define "crazy."
( growling, cackling ) Whoo!
( mad laughter )
- Wasn't that fun? - Fuck you.
You're a fucking asshole.
Why don't you do something about it?
Fuck you! Get out of my fucking car!
- Take a swing, man. - Give me my keys.
Come on. I know you want to.
- Fuck you. - Fucking pussy.
Get out of my fucking car.
Get out of my fucking car, you piece of shit.
Get out! Get out of my car!
Fucking asshole!
Mitchell, you're a pussy.
Asshole!
Fucking spit in my car.
( whimpers ) Fuck.
* Hey there, "Mr. Talk Too Much" *
* What's in store for us now? *
( knock on door )
* I don't know how to speak to you *
* I don't know how to trust in you... *
- ( knocking continues ) - What?!
- I have good news. - What?
Victor's back from Europe.
Really...?
Really? Shit.
Sean: Lauren. Wait.
Don't. Hey-- wait, Lauren.
- Oh my God. - Can't we talk?
No!
Lauren.
Don't walk-- hey!
I really did try to kill myself.
Just before I faked it.
- Wow. Sean, it's over. - No, it's not.
Yeah, it is. I'm in love with somebody else.
- Who? - My old boyfriend Victor.
And that's none of your fucking business, actually.
- Fucking Victor? - Yeah.
Then why the fuck are you writing me letters?
Wow.
Deal with it, Sean. It's over. Rock and roll.
Lauren, I want to know you.
What does that mean, "know me"? "Know me."
Nobody knows anyone else, ever!
You will never, ever know me.
Holy shit.
Ahem--
You do not know what a drag it is to see you right now.
Look--
yeah--
You smell really good
but I don't know who you are.
Victor, shut up. It's me.
Oh, of course. How are... you?
How long have you been here? Why haven't you called?
I...
This is embarrassing. I'm sorry--
It's all right.
I don't have the slightest idea who you are right now.
Really, it's... it's totally blank.
- Yeah, it is. - Should I know you?
It's great seeing you, really.
Hey, man.
Looks like it's gonna be a cold one.
You know...
I find myself talking to you when you're not even around--
just carrying on conversations.
I wish you wouldn't tell me shit like that.
But, Sean, I don't--
You've got the wrong idea. I don't want to be with you.
What do you mean? No, I just--
want to know you. Just want to know who you are.
Sean: No one will ever know anyone.
You're not ever gonna know me.
What the hell does that mean?
It means, Paul,
you're not ever gonna know me.
Figure it out. Deal with it.
Fuck you, Bateman.
Fuck you, Bateman!
Fuck you!
( sobbing ) Fuck... you!
( door bangs )
Welcome to "Buford T. Pusser County."
You wanna fuck with me? You wanna fuck with me?
I'll show you fucking!
( speaking Jamaican patois )
You hear what Guest said, motherfucker?
I have your money, my brother wired it into my account.
You got the money? It was that easy, motherfucker?
Fuck you, motherfucker.
How goddamn funny you think this is?
How are you, Miss Hynde?
Okay.
How have you been...
Mr. Denton?
Okay.
He really likes you.
That's great.
Listen-- were you putting notes in his box?
Whose box?
I thought you were putting notes in his box.
Purple ones? Love letters?
No, I didn't put notes into anybody's box.
You didn't?
Wrong person.
Wasn't me.
- Then there's someone else. - Doesn't matter anyway.
Not to people like him.
Not to people like us.
Sean: I started driving faster as I left the college behind.
Someplace unoccupied, I hoped.
At first I thought there were things about her
that I would never forget, but in the end,
all I could think about was--